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Got Good Sax Jokes?

34K views 34 replies 30 participants last post by  adamk 
#1 ·
Anyone got some good sax jokes? Or any other instument? I'm sure everbody has heard some of these but here's some of my favorites.

Why don't jazz sax players like the soprano sax?
No place to hide the drugs.

Why can't a gorilla play the sax?
He's too sensitive.

How do you make a chain saw sound like a baritone sax?
Add vibrato.

What's the difference between a dead snake in the road and a dead saxophonist in the road?
Skid marks in front of the snake.

How many C Melody players can you fit in a phone booth?
All of them.

How many sax players does it take to change a light bulb?
Five, one to change the light bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would have done it.

How do you get a sax player off of your front porch?
Pay for the pizza.

How do you get two sax players to play in perfect unison?
Shoot one.

Did you hear about the saxman who bragged he could play 32nd notes?
The rest of the band didn't believe him, so he proved it by playing one.

:sign5: :smilebox:

What's the difference between a guitar player and a bag of garbage ?
The garbage gets taken out at least once a week.

Why bury guitar players 6 feet under?
Because deep down they're all very nice people..

What's the difference between an accoustic gutar and an electric gutar?
The accoustic burns longer.

What do a vacuum cleaner and an electric guitar have in common ?
Both suck when you plug them in.

What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
A drummer.
 
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#3 ·
An Irish Sax player walked out of a bar....

Really! It happens!
 
#5 ·
What's the difference between a guitar player and a pizza?
A pizza can feed a family of four.

How can you tell that the guy who just applied for the job is a drummer?
By the drool on the application.

Why did God give drummers just a little bit more sense than horses?
So they don't take a crap while marching in the back of a parade.


Sorry, I don't know any sax player jokes. I guess it's because we're above all of that.
 
#6 ·
Definition of perfect pitch? The ability to throw (add intrument of choice) down a toilet without touching the sides.

How to improve the range of the instrument of choice? Throw it with the wind behind you.
 
#7 ·
OK, I've posted this joke before, but I still think its funny....A sax player is taking a break between sets. A beautiful and voluptuous woman sits down at the bar stool next to him and says "You know, I heard you play last night and it was the most moving experience of my life! You were brilliant, sensitive, innovative and I came back tonight to see if there is any way I can do ANYTHING to repay you, either at your place or mine." The sax player turns to her and says "Did you hear the first set or the second?"
 
#13 ·
I would turn to her and say: "Great, get me a good reed and we will be even".
 
#15 ·
Q: You are in a room with Saddam Hussein, Adolf Hitler, and Kenny G. You have a gun but only two bullets. What do you do?

A: Shoot Kenny G twice... just to make sure.

...........................

There is a man on a boat that is in a shipwreck. The boat crashes on a jungle island and the man is greeted by natives. In the distance, he hears the sound of drums. He asks what the drums are for and the chief answers, "The drums must not stop." The man is forced to stay the night in the natives village. All through the night, the drums keep on going so he got no sleep at all during the night. He got up in the morning and went to the chief again, begging him to know why the drums couldn't stop. The chief answered, "Because, when drum solo stop, sax solo start."

................................

What's the difference between a saxophone and a vacuum cleaner?

You have to plug in the vacuum cleaner before it sucks.
 
#16 ·
There is a man on a boat that is in a shipwreck. The boat crashes on a jungle island and the man is greeted by natives. In the distance, he hears the sound of drums. He asks what the drums are for and the chief answers, "The drums must not stop." The man is forced to stay the night in the natives village. All through the night, the drums keep on going so he got no sleep at all during the night. He got up in the morning and went to the chief again, begging him to know why the drums couldn't stop. The chief answered, "Because, when drum solo stop, sax solo start.".
LOL!! This one is my favorite, so far.
 
#17 ·
Two sax players get caught up in a latin American revolution and get themselves sentenced to be shot. The officer asks the first guy "Any last requests, senor?." He says "Yes, before I die I'd like to listen to some Kenny G recordings." The capitan says "Granted, senor. Now, what about you senor, any last requests?" The other sax player says "I want to be shot now!"
 
#19 ·
Q: How many female singers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Just one. She holds the bulb while the world turns around her.

Q: How do you get a guitar player to turn down his amplifier?
A: Put some sheet music in front of him.

I got a million of 'em...
 
#21 ·
Excerpts from "The Musical Dictionary"

U
unison A miracle that happens only once a season, at most.
upbeat Cheerful or peppy.

V
valve
1. An essential part of a brass instrument that sticks only during important solos or concerts.
2. Similar to woodwind keys, but simplified for brass players' mentalities.
valve oil Exquisitely tasteful with a twist of lemon. Also, an alternate form of currency among brass players.
vamp 'Play until the singer dies…'
vibrato Used by singers to hide the fact that they are on the wrong pitch.
villanella A popular flavor of ice cream.
violento How the band reacts when they hear there's another late-night rehearsal next week.
virtuoso A musician with very high morals.
voluntary Pieces labeled aren't required.

W
walking bass 'Quick, get animal control!'
whole note What's due after failing to pay the mortgage for a year.
whole step 22 1/2 inches.
windchimes The percussion instrument that is never there. Rumor has it that they were smuggled out of the band room by the director, and placed on his/her back porch to blow in the breeze.
woodwinds
1. The section of the band usually characterized by its wooden reeds, except for flutes and piccolos. Also widely known for their annoying squeaks.
2. A sign that God has a sense of humor.

X
xylophone
1. A string bass that's finally always in tune.
2. An instrument for percussionists who can actually tell the difference between one note and another.
xylophonist A percussionist who is not.

Z
zink There's one in the bathroom, and the kitchen too!
zither 'Es zither dis, or dat.'
 
#23 ·
A sax player turns up for an audition, plays his stuff and blows the mind of the MD. At the end the MD says "when did you start to learn to play the sax". "At 8" replied the sax player "and then I went down the pub at 8:45"

I used to be in a duet called the Symbollicks but Sym died so now I am just ............

Q. How do you stop a guitarist from playing A. write PTO on both sides of a piece of paper and hand it to him.

Q. How do you get a violin to do an impression of a dog A. poor petrol all over it and throw a match on it the violin will then go "woof"

A second violinist asked a first how do you get to play first. The first violinist said you need to have Parkinsons as it helps the vibrato.
 
#27 ·
What do bagpipers wear under their kilts?

A jock with a cup. It's to protect them from the kicks of disgruntled people trying to shut up the horrendous noise they make..
 
#28 ·
"There is nothing like good music, and this is nothing like good music", Bobby Campo
 
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