Sax on the Web Forum banner

Colonoscopy: all you need to know and were afraid to ask

64K views 200 replies 55 participants last post by  beautifulugly 
#1 ·
Since some of our fellow saxplayers have been discussing about this subject, I thought the following description might be enlightnening

ABOUT THE WRITER
Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist for the Miami Herald.
Colonoscopy Journal:

I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy.

A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis ..

Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner.

I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!'

I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America 's enemies.

I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous.

Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor.

Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons). Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture ofgoat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.

The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose, watery bowel movement may result..'

This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground.

MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic, here, but, have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.

After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep.

The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy?' How do you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be enough.

At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked..

Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep.
At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.

When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point.

Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand.

There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was 'Dancing Queen' by ABBA. I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' had to be the least appropriate.

'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from somewhere behind me.

'Ha ha,' I said. And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.

I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment, ABBA was yelling 'Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the tambourine,' and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood.

Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that It was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal organ.


On the subject of Colonoscopies....
Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were quite humorous...... A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:

1. 'Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!'

2. 'Find Amelia Earhart yet?'

3.. 'Can you hear me NOW?'

4. 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?'

5. 'You know, in Arkansas , we're now legally married.'

6. 'Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?'

7. 'You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out...'

8.. 'Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!'

9. 'If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!'

10. 'Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.'

11. 'You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?'

12. 'God, now I know why I am not gay.'

And the best one of all:
13. 'Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?
 
See less See more
#145 ·
My father died from colon cancer in 2004. He was 77 and had been retired for 25 years. He had enjoyed good health but he had never had a colonoscopy. And it was too late for him when he found out he had cancer. He was dead within a year. I had my first colonoscopy in 2005. No polyps were found in 2005. I had another one in 2010. This time there was a polyp. I'll be back there for anothy colonoscopy in 2015. I'm 64.
 
#147 ·
This is a real baby boomer topic. I've had one, don't think I will bother with it again. The medical industry raking it in with another procedure. That's just my take, don't put me on your ignore list.
 
#148 ·
We have universal medicare up here so it didn't cost me a dime. Just thousands and thousands in taxes since the mid-sixties, lol. Fortunately, my father had medical insurance before universal medicare came along. If you read my post above, you will note that my first colonoscopy at 55 was clean but a polyp had developed 5 years later. My brother who is a year younger had the same results. We're both non-smokers who enjoy a beer or two. We follow healthy diets and are fairly active; he's still playing hockey. This is not something you should ignore.
 
#150 ·
As of two years ago when I had my last one, my doc was still prescribing the gallon lemon-lime gag concoction. Did my prep on Halloween appropriately enough. Next time I'll have to try to remember to ask about that Spanish stuff, if I've still got any memory function left. I've proven twice that I'm tough enough to handle the gallon gag so I've got nothing to prove. The procedure itself is about as unpleasant as a nap, though after the first one I woke up with a distinct semi-conscious recollection of having had my colon inflated like a balloon.
 
#151 ·
My first Colonoscopy was in Tokyo when I lived there in 1990. They did it all in the hospital including the prep. I was in a bathroom for hours drinking gallons of some liquid and when I started clearing my bowels a nurse would come and look at what was in the toilet while I was seated there to see how clear it was becoming. Until it was the color of weak tea she kept me in there drinking liquid and squirting. Talk about lack of privacy! Finally after about 4 hours--it must have been liquid plumber to have cleaned me out that fast--they did the exploration, without anesthesia. The Japanese are stoics you know--Bushido Code and all that--and they still do it that way today a friend tells me. It didn't hurt particularly and I got to watch it on the monitor in real time and to take home the photos of the journey. They found and removed a minor polyp.

So because of that, after four years I had the next one, in Barcelona this time, also without anesthesia. It didn't hurt either, although there was some discomfort from the air they pumped in. They found 2 polyps, which they removed and biopsied and found that the bigger one was pre-cancerous. They told me there was no chance that it could have spread to the tissue below but said to come back in 3 years. I did that, but this time there was a different team and the guy operating the colonoscope was a novice and caused me so much discomfort and pain that they had to abort halfway up. I never went back there again and didn't have another for 4 years, this time at a clinic that uses Princess Anastasia to put you to sleep. What a difference! No more Samurai grunting and bearing it for me, thank you. They didn't find anything at all.

So when I went back 3.5 years later for what I expected to be another routine exam I had the floor pulled out from under me when they found a growth 5 cm. X 3 cm (2 inches X 1 1/4 inches) and 3 mm thick. I sweated bullets for days waiting for the biopsy and wouldn't you know it was malignant although at a stage that still allowed for a good chance of being cured. I'll skip the details of all that, the emotional ups and downs as well as the stress on my family and the disruption to our lives, but suffice it to say that spending your summer vacation in a deathly hot humid city when you expected to be elsewhere, being treated for cancer is not somthing I would wish on anyone. EVen in winter it wouldn't have been much nicer.

Fortunately for me, it has been over 4 years now with no signs of regrowth or matastasis, knock on wood, and when I am 5 years past it we can talk about it having been a full cure according to the standards for that. Since the treatment, I have had a full colonoscopy every six months, for 8 of them so far, which brings my total up to 13. On a number of these they have found polyps, but none of any consequence and they just remove them. I'm on a first name basis and very chatty terms with the nurses and doctors at the endoscopy clinic because they've been through my tunnel so many times. They've looked at Google Colonview on me more than they probably use it to find street directions.

This month I have the next one, but won't have to do it for a year afterwards as I am almost home free. However, due to the frequency of polyps I'll have to get them regularly for the rest of my life. So I hope they come up with a better proceedure than the one-eyed black Anaconda they use now.
 
#152 ·
Captain's Log, Supplemental.

Star Date Number 22222222(etc.).1

Good God was yesterday a low point.

The medical processes on this planet are a form of torture, and primitive in
the extreme.

The laxative draws water from your body and dumps it into your large intestine, which, in turn, dumps it out.

That is the mechanism at work.

You want to stay near some porcelain.

Really, really near.

At first it is just bad.

Later it is much worse.

Be sure to drink lots and lots of water, you are going to need it to make the stuff work.

My session on the throne lasted from 2:30pm until about 8pm, with short stops to drink more fluids.

Finally the processed result itself is nothing but a clear but tinted fluid. I do not remember anyone ever telling me that, so I am passing (!) that on.

It felt like the flu. Tired, sore and demoralized, I would gladly have caused bodily harm to those who prescribed it, invented it, or handed me the purgative. Although I was not allowed to eat, that was no problem, as I was not hungry.

At 3am I rushed to the toilet for one last flush before I flushed the commode.

[Buy flushable soft wipes, you will need them after the first 17 to 20 trips.]

At the hospital this morning I felt much better than yesterday, even though I had slept badly and had nothing but clear liquids for 30 hours.

It took 4 tries to get the I.V. in, which is a new one for me. Having given lots of blood on the first try every time, I thought I was a lock for fat easy veins. After yesterday, however, that minor inconvenience did not signify very much.

Anyway, once the I.V. was in it was Nap City, no worries.

Got the "all clear" from the Doc on the lower intestine exam.

From my doorstep back to my doorstep was 4 hours, 1.5 hrs of it driving time.

I get to wait 10 yrs before I have to do it again.

Maybe they will have the Star Trek wand by then.

Good luck to all you out there who are getting one of these.

Thanks to all of you for your good wishes.

xxoo

click
 
#153 ·
Finally the processed result itself is nothing but a clear but tinted fluid. I do not remember anyone every telling me that, so I am passing (!) that on.

[Buy flushable soft wipes, you will need them after the first 17 to 20 trips.]

1.5 hrs of it driving time.
What did you think, that the scope can see through brown bits and pieces of poop? It's not an X-ray, it just is basically a long flexible lens that they snake up your but to the end of your colon. Most polyps are very small and can be very easily blocked from view by any pieces of feces remaining, no matter how small. Hence having to have everything gone but almost clear liquid. What helps is to go on a special diet of foods with low residue for 4 or 5 days beforehand to make it easier to purge down to liquid. If you eat a bunch of meat, veggies and fibrerous food right before once it is in crap form it won't clear easily.

Yes soft wipes are a real saving grace, unless you have rubbed yourself raw alread with TP. Then it just stings and burns because they are wet and often contain some form of alcohol in the perfume. Butt it's hard to avoid that anyway after 8 hours on the throne in the throes of expulsion.

You're not supposed to drive after the procedure because of the sedative. Anyway that's what they tell you here and they want you to have someone to pick you up or for you to take a taxi or public transportation.

Anyway, I'm glad that the results were good and you are totally clean, which after all is the main reason for doing it
 
#154 ·
They won't even let you take a taxi home here.

BTW< in the recovery area bed next to me was an older Chinese man. The nurse said.. "you have to come back because you didn't drink the fluid and you didn't fast!--we couldn't see what we have to see!" so save yourself the trouble and "drink the coolaid".

In the above case there was a cultural and language problem I think. the daughter was there interpreting and chastising him too for the shortcuts etc.

Ive done a number of these- Im a high risk person based on family history. So I get to go more often than most!

Its no fun, but I think if youre in reasonably good shape its not that bad. And those few moments of sedative based bliss are incomparable. As they say, its the one cancer that is very preventable.
 
#156 ·
No, it's a better attitude than a lot of guys who refuse to go because of stereotyped male bravado, fear of having their rear messed with, and fear of finding out or even thinking about the possibility of having cancer. That last bit is really stupid in my book, but it is part of the illusion of invincibility that many people maintain way past youth when they should have learned the reality of their mortality. Which would you rather find out, that you have a precancerous polyp that is removable or even a stage 1 or 2a tumor, or that you have only 6 months at most to live? The people who put it off out of fear are playing Russian Roulette with their health and the statistical odds of 1 in 3 are not in their favor. I would be dead already if I had behaved like that and avoided this form of peventative care. I'm not exaggerating--D E A D = dead and cremated ashes in the ocean. As it is I can be grateful for that exam and laugh and joke about it. Alot better, no?
 
#160 ·
One last thing: there are lots of studies that prove this>>> the longer the GE looks the more likely they are to NOT miss things, like masses. DUH?!

I am serious though...look in to it in the medical journals. and you'll see that some of these folks spend alot more time than others. I'm talking about 10 minutes vs. 6-8 minutes...(I may have the numbers off ) but seriously! It makes a difference.

How to check on the average length of time your intended GE will spend looking? I don't have the answer but you SHOULD be discussing Quality concerns with your GE. I don't know the magic words to ask of them as they'll all assure you they have quality control standards and protocols etc, but not all 'scopes are created equal. read the studies...it can be chilling.

To make things worse, I know someone who lost a brother who had "the best guy in NYC" completely miss a significant growth. He was done in about three years. very sad. yes lawsuit and settlement, but who cares.

HF
 
#161 ·
One last thing: there are lots of studies that prove this>>> the longer the GE looks the more likely they are to NOT miss things, like masses. DUH?!

I am serious though...look in to it in the medical journals. and you'll see that some of these folks spend alot more time than others. I'm talking about 10 minutes vs. 6-8 minutes...(I may have the numbers off ) but seriously! It makes a difference.

How to check on the average length of time your intended GE will spend looking? I don't have the answer but you SHOULD be discussing Quality concerns with your GE. I don't know the magic words to ask of them as they'll all assure you they have quality control standards and protocols etc, but not all 'scopes are created equal. read the studies...it can be chilling.

To make things worse, I know someone who lost a brother who had "the best guy in NYC" completely miss a significant growth. He was done in about three years. very sad. yes lawsuit and settlement, but who cares.

HF
Horrible story to die like that, and it's not a pleasant 3 years either. You're right too, the money no matter how much does bring anyone back or heal the suffering.
 
#162 ·
I know all that from having 3 done without sedatives, but after they tried to kill me on that 3rd one, I found a clinic that puts you totally out. Much better all around because you wake up feeling rested and most people don't care about being awake and seeing someone spelunking in their own undergfround river on the monitor anyway. The Coloc-rectal Reality Show has limited viewer interest.
 
#163 ·
I'm happy to report that the two polyps were benign. No Colonoscopy for 10 years. Yay!
 
#164 ·
Congratulations Hakukani! After 3 and a half years since I started this thread I was susprised it was still alive. Then I read again the original post with the description plus some of the first replies and again got a big laugh. Anyways, I hope this discussion helped somehow to increase awareness about this important problem. Thanks everybody for sharing and laughing! Stay healthy
 
#167 ·
Why do I get the distinct impression that a goodly percentage of SOTWers are old farts?:bluewink2:
 
#171 ·
Risk reward and cost. look at this http://www.cdc.gov/cancer/colorectal/statistics/race.htm

that is less than 1/1000 getting it. so everyone has to have the test at what cost? should we drive our health care costs up by a 1/1000 chance you might have it?

i found out the same is true when they say blood in urine and want to do systoscopy (fiber optic up the urethra) and cat scan. its pretty expensive and only finds something 2%of the time. thats people with syptoms!

If you have a family history, sure, but everyone?
 
#172 ·
As someone who is alive today because of colonoscopy I dispute that reasoning and those statistics. This is what the American Cancer Society says on their website about Colorectal cancer, emphasis added by me:

Excluding skin cancers, colorectal cancer is the third most common cancer diagnosed in both men and women in the United States. The American Cancer Society's estimates for the number of colorectal cancer cases in the United States for 2013 are:

102,480 new cases of colon cancer
40,340 new cases of rectal cancer
Overall, the lifetime risk of developing colorectal cancer is about 1 in 20 (5%). This risk is slightly lower in women than in men. A number of other factors (described in the section "What are the risk factors for colorectal cancer?") can also affect a person's risk for developing colorectal cancer.

Colorectal cancer is the third leading cause of cancer-related deaths in the United States when men and women are considered separately, and the second leading cause when both sexes are combined. It is expected to cause about 50,830 deaths during 2013.

The death rate (the number of deaths per 100,000 people per year) from colorectal cancer has been dropping in both men and women for more than 20 years. There are a number of likely reasons for this. One is that polyps are being found by screening and removed before they can develop into cancers. Screening is also allowing more colorectal cancers to be found earlier when the disease is easier to cure. In addition, treatment for colorectal cancer has improved over the last several years. As a result, there are now more than 1 million survivors of colorectal cancer in the United States.
If you think you can beat the odds, than be my guest, but as someone who would already be dead and who knew people who are or family of people who are, I wouldn't want gamble with it. Furthermore if you read the last paragraph it is specifically due to colonoscopy that the death rate has gone down because not only does this procedure spot the precancerous polyps but it removes them so that they can't grow into malignant tumors.

But if money is your main concern, then by all means take your chances. Better to alive and poor than rich and dead in my experience. BTW, I live in Spain where medical insurance is not very expensive and Colonoscopy and other endoscopic procedures are commonplace and cost is not an overriding concern where prevention and saving lives is.
 
#174 ·
The population in the US of people over 50 is 40 million. That's the population that are recommended to get colonoscopies--not the entire US population.
The cost of treating colorectal cancer is probably much higher than the cost of a colonoscopy. If you're going to use stats, be careful with your methodology.

On a personal note, I feel that since I have not used health care over the years very much, since I'm a pretty healthy person. The insurance industry can afford for me to have preventative care.
 
#178 ·
This is not a simple calculation if you attempt to take into account the number of variables that you suggest. Probably needs curve fitting and regression analysis, and probably risk management. Actuary is a whole 'science' in itself.

Still, if I can't count the cards, I'm going to go with my instinct. I'm a pretty conservative blackjack player, especially if I'm playing with something I value.
 
#182 ·
I recall a exercise I took in psych class - list in order 20 most important things in your life. Some were given, others you had to come up with. The exercise was to concentrate on each one (selected in random order), and imagine that this thing was taken away, and what your life would be like without it. Health was one of the given ones. As a 21 year old at the time I put it well down on the list. I was shocked when I was forced to consider seriously what my life would be like without it. The last part of the exercise was to reorder your list afterwards. Health moved way up on my list.
 
#184 ·
Sure, we all do a risk assessment. Doctors give advice, you don't have to take it. The medical folks decide that they recommend procedures at a certain time. There's a certain amount of research that backs that up. After that, it's up to the individual whether or not to follow the medical folks' advice. It's called 'being an adult'.

It's not an engineering problem==it's not a business admin problem. It's a personal choice. I pay for my insurance, and my insurance covers the procedure with a modest co-pay. The analysis was already done.
 
#186 ·
As I've just come out of my first colonoscopy exam...

Down here once you hit 50, you recieve a letter suggesting that you take a free Bowel Scan test. You get the option to opt out at this point.

A week or so later you'll recieve the test kit. Fairly simple and not invasive.
Akin to running a biro through your stool which has been temporarily suspended above the loo water on a flushable paper doilie. You clip the small nib into a plastic test tube and keep refrigerated until...
You do the same for your 2nd sample.
Post it off and within a week you get a reply as to whether it's Positive/negative.

My first one at 50 came back negative.
My second one a fortnight ago at 55 came back positive.

Off to the quack who organised the colonoscopy test.

Prep kit consisted of
2x 15.5g sachets of 'PicoPrep'
1x 70g sachet of 'Glycoprep'

3:00p.m. Take the first sachet of 'Picoprep' dissolved in a glass of water.
A fairly bitter experience so a very large glass of water methinks.
6:00p.m. The sachet of Glycoprep dissolved in 1 litre of water and chilled for a bit in the freezer.

This is probably what's been referred to as 'Gatorade' and I found no problem gulping it down.

9:00p.m. the second sachet of 'Picoprep' in a large glass of water.

The instructions suggest the first 'watery stool' to occur about 3 hours after taking the first PicoPrep, and it was fairly spot on.
The experience was akin to taking a large number one out of the number 2 chute.
I gave it about 5 minutes (3 pages of the novel I was reading) and off the can.

My bowel gave me plenty of warning before the next geyser was ready.

Made sure I stayed up until the 3 hours were up on the final sachet of PicoPrep.
Same result as the first and decided it was then safe to retire to bed.

Reading the horrendous tales of multiple trips combined with excessive use of wipes had me scratching my head.

Actual procedure went just as previous posters described.
Off to the land of nod until being woken up in the recuperation area.

Result: 2 small haemorrhoids and nothing else.

Actually looking forward to the next one.... a walk in the park

cheers, Mark.
 
#190 ·
SOTW, probably the only forum specialized in playing wind instruments where members openly describe not just reed preparation but the preparation for an insertion of a different kind of tubular "wind" instrument, replete with graphic details of the color and consistency of their output into the porcelain bell.

Mark, next time see if you can go to your favorite market to busk with that tube still in and blow a couple of numbers through it with a funnel on the end for a bell.

Note: best not use a metal mouthpiece on the business end of the tube.

Meanwhile here is how serious musicians of that other instrument enjoy colonoscopies.

 
#191 ·
SOTW, probably the only forum specialized in playing wind instruments where members openly describe not just reed preparation but the preparation for an insertion of a different kind of tubular "wind" instrument, replete with graphic details of the color and consistency of their output into the porcelain bell.

Mark, next time see if you can go to your favorite market to busk with that tube still in and blow a couple of numbers through it with a funnel on the end for a bell.

Note: best not use a metal mouthpiece on the business end of the tube.
Rahsaan Roland Kirk clearly missed a golden opportunity.
 
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top