101 thing to do with faulty reeds

[Zannad]

Ok guys, I guess most of you americans aren't used in thinking about recycling and saving on resources but we europeans aren't too kin on wasting ..
So here's a thread about using those dodgy reeds in a more sensible and eco-friendly way:
(note: jokes are ok too)


TIP 1:

Use them to practice Slap tongue techniques...
Slapping reeds can be fun, but it is also the best way to split your reeds.

[notes_norton]

<...snip...>
TIP 1:

Use them to practice Slap tongue techniques...
Slapping reeds can be fun, but it is also the best way to split your reeds.

OK, I'll play 8-)

TIP 2:

Use them under the "feet" of mic stands, bar stools, chairs, cocktail tables etc. to level them when they rock. (In the past matchbooks were usually preferred, but hardly anybody smokes anymore - and those who do use lighters so matchboxes are in short supply. Bad reeds are never in short supply) ;)

Notes

[bluesaxgirl]

TIP 3: Decorate them with pretty designs and materials. :D

[Zannad]

Tip 4

Use them to push an absorbing cloth under that pesty G# pad...mine gets sticky if I forget to dry it up.

[Daveyz]

TIP 5: Switch them out with your friends' reeds when band class gets a little boring that day.

[Kenny Garrick]

Tip 5 Use a busted tenor reed to make an alto read an alto read to make a sop read and sell them on ebay some one is bound to think they just found a better read than the dave guardala's

[Zannad]

Tip 5 Use a busted tenor reed to make an alto read an alto read to make a sop read and sell them on ebay some one is bound to think they just found a better read than the dave guardala's

Great one Kenny....but that is TIP 6 not 5 (let's not mess about).

[redneckbari]

TIP #7......carry around a few junk reeds in case you get lost in the woods and need a fire....they make excellent kindling...... :P

[Zannad]

TIP #8

I found out about the Aloe Vera (there is a thread about it) tip thanks to experimenting a bit with dodgy reeds first.
Now I'm going to try to do a custom made "Plasticover" using bitumen (only joking) :)

[Graysax]

Tip #9

worked great wedged in a laptop (Qwerty's in fact) to solve a manufactuer's defect so the Motherboard doesnt short out against the inside of the case.

He has a Vandoren V12 powered Laptop

[Yamahaaltoplayer]

Tip #10: Suck on them. (Some one my friends who play woodwinds suck on reeds when they don't have gum to chew during a test/exam.)

[Zannad]

Tip #10: Suck on them. (Some one my friends who play woodwinds suck on reeds when they don't have gum to chew during a test/exam.)

LOL :D
that sounds really disgusting (taking back all that dried out saliva and bacteria into one's mouth), but who knows, I'll give it a go.

[dave2sax]

Get one of those table lamps that has a hollow glass body you can fill up with any kind of decorative object you like. Fill it up with used or junk reeds and you have a functional lamp that's a conversation piece in any room, or just keep it in you practice space.

[Zannad]

Get one of those table lamps that has a hollow glass body you can fill up with any kind of decorative object you like. Fill it up with used or junk reeds and you have a functional lamp that's a conversation piece in any room, or just keep it in you practice space.

That's an elegant solution....and TIP#11 too (keep it tidy guys/girls) our aim is to get to 101!

[Jazz House]

Tip #12

Spit on them and leave them. Observe the fungus as it grows.

Tip #13

Put them in the compost heap (if you have one)

Tip #14

Smash them against a metal stand and put them in the compost heap and keep the holders (collecting them is fun) :)

[Kenny Garrick]

Tip #15 Use them as a base material to build models with now that matchsticks are only used by us smoking leppers of society

[Zannad]

Tip #15 Use them as a base material to build models with now that matchsticks are only used by us smoking leppers of society

That leads perfectly to Tip #16:
Light them up and have a toke...you'll never know what's lurking inside them maybe you can gather some inspiration too...I suggest to try on old weary reeds. ;)

[Twombles62]

Tip #17 Smash them into a table/hard surface as hard as you can... it relieves stress :p

[notes_norton]

Tip #18, for those who double on keyboard, stick them between the keys to get that endless sustained note (ala Kieth Emerson) without using a knife (easier to get through airport checks, too!)

[Face Ache Mike]

Tip #19 Create a thread about them (again).

[Zannad]

TIP #18:
Ok...put together TIP #12 and #16 and you got a good chance of coming out with some allucinogenic reed...

Think about the discovery of LSD....wasn't about some fungus in barley grain?
Then what about those psychocilybyn mushrooms aren't they fungus (or fungi)?

Now we need to find out how best to take advantage of it: smoking, eating or boiling?

[Zannad]

TIP #20 then:
TIP #18:
Ok...put together TIP #12 and #16 and you got a good chance of coming out with some allucinogenic reed...

Think about the discovery of LSD....wasn't about some fungus in barley grain?
Then what about those psychocilybyn mushrooms aren't they fungus (or fungi)?

Now we need to find out how best to take advantage of it: smoking, eating or boiling?

[notes_norton]

21 - Doorstops for small doors.

[jbtsax]

#22 split them in half and use to apply contact cement when applying corks and felts to keys.

#23 break them in the middle and photograph them for your avatar. (http://forum.saxontheweb.net/image.php?u=22176&dateline=1150076250) (With apologies to Kelly Buscheger).




John

[DavidW]

#24 Keep playing them and just tell people you are working on your altissimo.

[Zannad]

Tip #19 Create a thread about them (again).

LOL
I didn't realized...I guess it might be useful to join those tips in the other discussion/s, as it seems we are running out of ideas!

[luncharm]

#25 Claim their depreciation value on your taxes

[Danstr]

#26 - Use them for doing grout work after installing new tile in your bathroom. They're great for fine tuning the amount of grout around each tile.

#27 - Use them for kindling to start a fire in your fireplace.

[Yamahaaltoplayer]

Tip #28:
Put them in the bow of the sax to correct intonation problems. Also a good idea to put half of one in the neck.

[daddywagsmusic]

[QUOTE=Zannad;883957]Ok guys, I guess most of you americans aren't used in thinking about recycling and saving on resources but we europeans aren't too kin on wasting ..
So here's a thread about using those dodgy reeds in a more sensible and eco-friendly way:
(note: jokes are ok too)[QUOTE=Zannad;883957]

not a tip, but, if what you are saying is true, why now does Vandoren have a larger box, and then all the individually wrapped reeds. Talk about a waste...

(and I understand the idea... fresh from the factory with each reeds...but I have my problems with that also...)

[daddywagsmusic]

Tip #29 - for bari reeds - use to level your new hot water tank.

got 3 under mine from when we replaced it last year and needed a little something to level the tank out.

[Zannad]

[QUOTE=Zannad;883957]Ok guys, I guess most of you americans aren't used in thinking about recycling and saving on resources but we europeans aren't too kin on wasting ..
So here's a thread about using those dodgy reeds in a more sensible and eco-friendly way:
(note: jokes are ok too)[QUOTE=Zannad;883957]

not a tip, but, if what you are saying is true, why now does Vandoren have a larger box, and then all the individually wrapped reeds. Talk about a waste...

(and I understand the idea... fresh from the factory with each reeds...but I have my problems with that also...)

You are right, it's just a stereotype, Zannad likes stirring things a bit sometimes ;)

[GaithersburgReeds]

#30 - Use them to spread caviar

OR

#31 - Clip them to your bike, in the spokes, for a homemade motorcylce sound.

[sax-ony]

# 32 - Use them to write on as labels stuck in the soil of flower pots and seed trays.

[DavidW]

#33 Use them as mulch in your landscaping

[Kenny Garrick]

Tip 34 draw a different smiley on them to represent your mood and place the appropriate one on your door so you dont have to talk to anybody and can keep practicing and breaking more reads to recycle.

[Zannad]

TIP #35 (A development from Tip #4)

Glue 2 pieces of absorbing clothes to both sides of the reed (the tapering end)...now you got the perfect padsaver!

[themacintrasher]

#22 split them in half and use to apply contact cement when applying corks and felts to keys.




That's what I was gonna say, my tech does that.

[Zannad]

TIP #36

Use them to practice Tongue-Flutter: hit the tip of the reed by moving the tongue side by side very quickly; it isn't as neat at Troath-flutter....yet, with practice you should get a convincing flutter effect (and split many reeds too).

You can practice on your girlfriend too :twisted:...she'll sound much louder than your sax :D, but the tuning is unpredictable!!8-)

[Gizmo Hall]

Tip #37

Tie them on strings and add them to your "Things I Break" mobil.

#38

Give them to your dog as chew toys/teeth cleaners.

[Durand]

Tip #39: To work on the bottom end of them to practice to make our own reeds.

Tip#40: Save all that are the same brand together. Maybe if we return a complete box we can have a disscount on our next order...

:D

[Zannad]

Tip #41

Can be used as a plectum for guitar players...they won't last long (use 2 of them), but with certain strings they provide a nice warm sound.

[Kenny Garrick]

Tip #42 Stick two back to back at the top and use them as page weight or quick page turner

[JL]

TIP #36

Use them to practice Tongue-Flutter: hit the tip of the reed by moving the tongue side by side very quickly

Except that's not the way to get the flutter tongue effect. Your tongue should not touch the reed at all with a flutter tongue.

This thread sure points up just how useless a used-up reed is.

[Kenny Garrick]

^^ Yep

[zxcvbnm]

#43: Sew them together to make a fashionable pair of shorts (or a skirt for girls)

[oldcorollas]

#44: use them to flick peas at the grandkiddies during family dinners...

[Bebopking]

#45 When you get enough of them, lay them all out side by side, glue them together and you have a raft!!!

[Zannad]

Except that's not the way to get the flutter tongue effect. Your tongue should not touch the reed at all with a flutter tongue.

This thread sure points up just how useless a used-up reed is.

We are having language problems here (English isn't my mother tongue lingo, see? Again, all about tongues!).

That Flutter Tongue you are talking about is the proper one (the one mostly used by Brass musicians).
The one I've mentioned myself is about TOUCHING THE REED WITH THE TIP OF THE TONGUE and is completely different from the real one....and quite different from throat flutter (the one made by pronouncing the letter R from your throat).

So we have now three type of flutters.

[Zannad]

Tip #46

Use them as chips when playing poker.

[Gizmo Hall]

Tip #47

Swap them with your friends reed while they aren't looking.

[Chrissanowich]

Tip #48

Save them to sell to those saxophonists who forget to bring a reed to class. They're so desperate, they'll buy any reed.

[Chrissanowich]

Tip #49

Glue about 10 to 15 reeds together and bend the reed on the end. This makes a great backscratcher, which you can then keep or give to a friend as a gift.

[Chrissanowich]

Tip #50

Collect a few before a camping trip or a long hike. When nature calls, use your reeds to wipe and then throw them in the bushes, they're biodegradeable.

[Chrissanowich]

Tip #51

Use a pair as chopsticks.

Tip #52

Collect all your old reeds for a while. Once you have about 1000 use them to build a chair to practice on. Then save again to build a stand, for your music or saxophone.

[ScaldingHotSoup]

Tip #53

Build a beach-side hut.

[Yamahaaltoplayer]

Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuummmmmmmmmmp. We STILL haven't reached 101.

Tip #54:
Take two and tie them together. Show it to an oboist and brag that you can make a double-reed faster than him.:)

[cann0nba11]

Tip #55: Break them into recognizeable shapes and sell them on eBay. (eg. Jesus reed)

[zxcvbnm]

#56: Make a saxophone out of them.

[themacintrasher]

# 57 Build a new deck

[Hammertime]

#58 Break 'em in small pieces and use those as toothpicks

[kjetil_bari]

Gather a lot of them, lay them out on the floor, spelling «101 things to do with broken reeds—this is one of them».

[Alexk]

#60. Use them for dip spreaders at your next party.

[bari_sax_diva]

Looks like we skipped numbering one, so...

#62: Use them to shim wooden door frames.
#63: Use one to mark your page in a book.

[Yamahaaltoplayer]

BSD, kjetil did number 59. He just didn't mark it.

Here are BSD's tips with the CORRECT numbers;):

#61: Use them to shim wooden door frames.
#62: Use one to mark your page in a book.



Btw, Alexk, wasn't dip spreaders already mentioned?

Edit: Nevermind, Alexk. That was caviar spreaders that I saw.;)

[Bloo Dog]

#63 Surfboards for dwarves!

[Alexk]

Btw, Alexk, wasn't dip spreaders already mentioned?

Edit: Nevermind, Alexk. That was caviar spreaders that I saw.

Oops, my mistake.....:|

[zombie]

#64 Return the reeds that performed well back to the maker labeled "For use in the reed breeding program"

[Yamahaaltoplayer]

Tip #65:
I can't think of anything else so: If they're Vandorens, put them back in their "humidity-controlled" thingy and they will stay the same himudity as they were when they became useless...:|

[zombie]

Tip #66: Use them as emergency shingles for your roof

Tip #67: Staple them to your shirt to make into body armour

[dirty]

Tip #68: Go through the old reeds and see if you can remember by sight which reeds performed well. Set these aside. Maybe they'll play well again some day. Sure, none of them ever have, but why throw away a good reed?

[kerry]

They make really good shims, thats for sure.

[Zannad]

#63 Surfboards for dwarves!

LOL...
Guys, I think that we should all go a bit lateral thinking this way to reach 101!

[hakukani]

LOL...
Guys, I think that we should all go a bit lateral thinking this way to reach 101!

I like jokes better than lateral thinking. They're funnier.

[kjetil_bari]

#69: They're practical when your contact lenses stick.

[Yamahaaltoplayer]

Tip #70:
You know towers of cards? Make one with reeds!

[zombie]

Tip #71:
Keep them for Halloween then make a little graveyard of all the bad notes you have played on them.

[notes_norton]

#72 paint little numbers on them and glue them to your mailbox

Notes

[Yamahaaltoplayer]

Tip #73:
If it's a bari, make it into a tenor. If it's a tenor, make it an alto... And so on... Nobody said the whole reed was bad. It's just the outer edges, right?:|

[zxcvbnm]

What if it's a soprillo reed?

[Yamahaaltoplayer]

What if you want to make a bass reed (Contrabass and sub-contrabass saxes use bass reeds)? Use the sopranissimo reed! It's actually a sopranino reed. I don't think they ever made sopranissimo reeds specifically.

[MyMartinTenor]

#74: Split a reed in thirds, and it's awesome for cleaning hot, sticky shellac out of the edges of pad cups where you rag doesn't quite reach.

[frankm]

I used to have a parrot named Sinbad....I used to give him my old reeds and he's spend hours chewing them into kindling

[Zannad]

I used to have a parrot named Sinbad....I used to give him my old reeds and he's spend hours chewing them into kindling

Tip #75
Give old and faulty reeds to Sinbad the parrot:)...he'll love it!

(as I mentioned earlier, the only way to get to 101 is to get a bit "lateral")

[Kenny Garrick]

Tip #76
As mentioned in another thread. Use them to inflict pain and torture by pushing them under the finger nails of musical instrument thieves.

[Babalu]

Since we americans aren't used to thinking about recycling and saving on resources but you europeans aren't too kin on wasting .. lets say we just make them into little slices of bamboo to slide under your fingernails so we dont have to kill any more bamboo just to give you what you deserve for being so arrogant...lol...Just kidding..... as much as you where.....

[tbmartin]

Tip #77

Jam them into the vents of your locker, leaving them as a reed graveyard. After a while, it becomes a bit like notching your gunstock.

(Revelli Hall in the early '80s had quite a collection displayed this way as we blewout reeds in large numbers. Yuba!)

[Yamahaaltoplayer]

24 more! Common guys! THINK!

[bari_sax_diva]

Tip #78: Use them to quiet rattles and buzzes in the interior of an older car.

[kjetil_bari]

Tip #78: Use them to quiet rattles and buzzes in the interior of an older car.

Tip #79: Use them to make rattles and buzzes in the interior of a new car.

[zombie]

Tip #80: Glue them to the souls of your shoes to make them sound like tap shoes

[bfahle]

Tip #81: Glue them to your fingertips for a strong, beautiful artificial fingernail.

[danielnz]

TIP#82
Stick the reeds together to create a sculpture as with lego blocks. If you've been playing for a few years and have never thrown out your reeds, you should have enough for Darth Vader's shoes. Sticking them together? The buildup of 3-month-old dried up saliva should be more than enough.

TIP#83
Stick them onto the wall. This creates a surprisingly pleasant wallpaper and is eco-friendly, as you would be generously sharing your room with 50000 fungal spores.

[zombie]

Tip 84:

Sharpen them to use on dwarf vampires

[metalbari]

TIP#85.a
Use saxophone reeds instead of bamboo chopsticks to eat oriental food.

TIP#85.b
Use bamboo chopsticks instead of saxophone reeds to play your horn.

TIP#85.c
Build a xylophone with your old reeds, then play it with bamboo chopsticks.

[Yamahaaltoplayer]

Double post.

[Yamahaaltoplayer]

There are three 85s...:disgust: Mine is #88

Tip #88:
Glue them on to the outside of your case. They might actually look decent!:D

[jrvinson45]

#89 Throw them into a half gallon of month old milk and use them as surfboards for cock-roaches.

[Emo Fish]

#90
Have your friends save them throughout high school(assuming you're still in school) and at the end of senior year have a big bonfire with the reeds you've collected!!! :D that's what me and a couple of the other sax players are doing.

[tonfisch]

cook them for two hours, add onions, garlic, lemongrass, shrimps, pepper, soy sauce and some cork grease...serve with fried pads and enjoy!

#91

[bfahle]

#92
Leave them laying around your practice space for your S.O. to find.

[kjetil_bari]

#93: Grind them and use when low on coffee. Should wake you up. :)

[CTravaglini]

Tip #94 take all the dodge reeds you cant get from you, your friends, even old ones will do, smash them as fine as you can, then sell them to the local wood mill to turn into chipboard. then buy the chipboard from them and turn it into something useful like a music stand, or a saxophone case.

Tip #95, if you want to adjust your baffle, cut the end of a reed of about the thickness of your mouthpiece, and push it in there. its a good idea to cut it a bit wider than the mouthpiece rails and then sand it down so it will hold its place.

[zombie]

#96

Sharpen and use as short range darts

[SaxyJ]

Tip #97: Send them to Kenny G with a letter to stop playing.

[zombie]

Tip #98

Send them to Kenny G with a letter to play with them to improve his sound

[Hukijiwa 82Z]

Tip #99: Send them to Kenny G with a letter to swallow them whole. That should do a number on his career!

[zombie]

Tip #100

When a saxophonist is given the keys to the city use the reeds instead of ticker tape for the parade



Comon we are just one away:D

[DesertCreature]

#101

Deep fry and serve with tempura sauce

(it works with just about anything)

[Yamahaaltoplayer]

There we have it. 101 things to do with faulty reeds!:D

(There's a spelling mistake in the title of the thread: "101 thingS".;))

[HSkid]

now the ultimate tip number zero use them to build an army of undead fungal powered minjas with toxic weaponry (possibly radioactive)

[JustJeff]

As a new learner I wondered what the life span was. Pup, my teacher, told me to replace one during a lesson. When I opened my EBAY super deal El-Serpremeo Vandoran Climate Controlled Reed holder he proceeded to exam the occupants for me...reeds unlike blue cheese, are not supposed to have mold on them...go figure, you learn something new every day. I now use the rejects as doggie treats. I guess the dog saw me sucking on them and figured if it was good for me it's good for him.

[Hammertime]

Damn, that was over fast. :( But oh well, maybe we'd otherwise all run out of inspiration and the thread wouldn't be funny anymore.

[kjetil_bari]

reeds unlike blue cheese, are not supposed to have mold on them...

# 102: Grind them up, mix with milk and leave in the sun for a week. Enjoy with carefully matched vinegar, for a balanced and rich taste experience.

[Emmnemms]

I think... I am scared now! lol...

I don't wanna know what you guys would do with Good reeds!

[zombie]

I think... I am scared now! lol...

I don't wanna know what you guys would do with Good reeds!

Well we certainly would not play then in case they turn into bad reeds:D

[Yamahaaltoplayer]

# 102: Grind them up, mix with milk and leave in the sun for a week. Enjoy with carefully matched vinegar, for a balanced and rich taste experience.

HEY! One hundred-and-ONE things to do with faulty reeds. Not 102.

Wait... I think there's another mistake in the title. 1001 THING TO DO WITH FAULTY REEDS!:twisted::D

[kjetil_bari]

I always do 101%! :D

[Emmnemms]

Well we certainly would not play then in case they turn into bad reeds:D

Good idea! why risk it?

[Zannad]

101!!
Yet, to be honest with you, many of these tips are cxxp...nor usefull nor funny and mere repetitions (I myself haven't bothered to read the whole lot).

Maybe we should delete the worst and substitute with newer and better tips...then who knows, may be we can (dare to say) submit them to a publishing house :idea:

So, time to edit then....tips should be USEFUL or FUNNY and ORIGINAL (not mere adaptations of others).

Tips which aren't good enough and deserve the chop?

[MissouriMickey]

I am an Old Guy, so I split mine and use them for Tooth Picks and Dental Floss.

[Qsquared3]

awww I really want to make a post. :(

someone should make the infinite list

[dolivier]

Don't want to stop the fun, but here's a serious question. There are several reed profilers on the market, Reedual and others. Could you chop a quarter inch or so off a worn out reed, then reshape the profile and tip to give it a new life? Has anyone tried this?

[Alex in Canada]

lol hilarious

[Face Ache Mike]

Start saving them now ready for next Christmas. Put them all in a box with a picture of a car, boat, plane, or whatever and label the box "Craft Kit". Two birds - one stone :)

[Zannad]

Tip #103
This is a really useful one...

Use them to keep certain ligatures on their mouthpieces (when these aren't being played of course!).
For example, I've bought a Brancher metal MP recentlly and the jewellery like ligature keeps falling when handling the mouthpiece.
This brings 2 problems:
1) that precious and delicate ligature can get lost.
2) The ligature gets out of shape as it get crushed by other things (e.g. a spare neck) inside the Sax case.
The ligature cannot be tightened enough just to keep it on the MP (doing so would deform it), so I use a broken reed to keep it safe and in good shape.