Teaching your own family members

[captorquewrench]

Speaking in a generality, I don't feel that parents should teach their own kids music lessons.

My 8 YO Dot has been asking for lessons tho and we can't afford an outside teacher at this time.

So I have told her I would spend about 20-30 minutes with her this weekend on a conditional basis to se eif we can do this without her feeling too much pressure to get it "just right" I hold myself to a high standard, because I know I am capable of it. I am the same with the kids. I know what they are are capable of, and I take nothing less than their best in all that they do. I just don't want her to feel that I think her best is more than it actually is or have that "please mom" thing happen. I also don't want me to get an inflated perception on what her personal best would be and push her too much. And most of the band folks I play with agree that in general it's not usually best for parents to teach their own kids.

Teaching her myself is something I would not do if we could afford outside instruction...but..I am willing to at least give it a *very cautious* shot since she genuinely wants to learn, that much I've figured out. She wants to learn to learn, not to imitate me.

Any insights? Thoughts I might be overlooking? Personal experiences (both positive or negative) teaching your own kids? Please share!

[Jerry K.]

I know what they are are capable of, and I take nothing less than their best in all that they do.

It's probably not your intent but that comes off as a little overbearing if you ask me. Are you raising little soldiers or what? If you are going to approach music lessons in this manner, I would suggest waiting until you can afford lessons. Music is supposed to be a pleasurable experience and taking lessons from a mother that will "take nothing less than my best in all that I do" doesn't sound like a lot of fun to me.

[captorquewrench]

Please do not think for a moment thatI am overbearing and raising little soldiers. I am asking for help/advice on how or if I should proceed at all because i do NOT like that parenting approach and I don't want her to feel like that's what I'm doing. I am vehemently opposed to that style of parenting. I can't stand seeing other moms who call extra dance class practices for 3 & 4 year olds just learning, because the routine isn't "perfect" Or some who expect all A's in a gifted program from a child who just can't give more than a B or C academically.

On the other hand, i don't believe in doing things halfway once you commit to them. and one person's individual best is going to be different than another person's. I want her and me both to know what her best is, realistically, and work solely within her capabilities, and not feel any pressure to go beyond that. We should always be on a quest in lifeto improve ourselves in all our ways, and have a blast while we're doing it.

So today we did some mouthpiece stuff for about 15 minutes and it went very well. takingit slow and easy. at the first sign she shows of not enjoying it, or me getting frustrated, i am stopping. now we are going to watch the Blob. She loves those old horror classics. LOL. Black & white Dracula films are her favorites.