Playing at a funeral (Amazing Grace)

I had the honor of being asked to play at my wife's uncle's funeral yesterday. My wife and I were very close to him and had gone out to night clubs many times with him and his wife over the years. Unfortunately his last two years were not the best and he passed away at the relatively young age of 57. :cry: I'm 58 and this really hit home if you know what I mean.

I played Amazing Grace at the grave site as the pallbearers brought the casket to the burial site. I played it similar to how I had heard bagpipers play it (no vibrato) straight and slow with a number of pauses for affect. It was very difficult for me as we were very close. It was a real challenge too as the temperature was 21 degrees, but I got through it.

Since I have never been to a funeral where a sax has been played at a grave site before, I ask if any of you have had this honor and if so, what did you play and how did you play it :?: Thanks in advance for your responses.

[Anonymous]

I've not played at a grave site, but a couple of years ago I was asked to play at a VFW memorial service by the sister of the deceased. She specifically asked me to play to play the somewhat obscure "Beautiful Isle of Somewhere".

Our directions to the VFW hall weren't the best, and my accompanist and I arrived about 10 minutes before the service began, with no time to tune. The congregation sang several hymns before I was to play. When my time came, I immediately noticed that I was extremely out-of-tune with the piano. I stopped on the first note, turned to the pianist, and said, "let's tune".

When I realized that I couldn't pull my mpc out far enough to tune to the piano, I had an idea. I put my mpc back to it's usual place on the cork, and asked the piantist to play a concert B instead of Bb. My middle C was right in tune with concert B on the piano. I said the to the pianist, "this piano is tuned a half-step sharp!". To which she replied, "You want me to transpose to flats?", which drops the key by a half-step. So that's what she did, and it went off fine after that.

No one seemed to mind the minute or two of confusion.

[Anonymous]

Oh, and to answer your question, I played the tune very straight and sweet. I'm used to that, since I play every Sunday at our church, which is a very traditional and conservative in its music. I've played "Amazing Grace" solo on tenor just as you described on many occasions.

[Andrew]

I played amazing grace at a funeral once. It'll stay at one time. That was the most depressing thing I had ever done to date.

[soulsax]

how sad. I've played the song many times but never at a funeral. It's a good song.

[Andrew]

I agree...I think it's a beautiful song...

[M Exner]

I've done the same thing almost exactly as you decribe. It was cold but not quite that cold. The deceased was a world war II veteran and a member of my church. I also played Blessed Assurance both of which were his favorite songs. I used a soprano on both tunes. Really a good experience overall.

[morgan]

My voice teacher made an interesting point about such things. If (like her) you are a hired professional (be it a funeral or a wedding), your degree of detachment makes it easy to focus fully on the performance, giving it all the quality and passion that the music and the circumstances demand. OTOH if you are personally connected to the deceased (or espoused), you might count yourself lucky to get through the piece successfully at all. But even if you do flub the high note your efforts will be appreciated.

[Tharruff]

My Aunt asked me to play the Clarinet at her husband's (my Uncle's) funeral. My Uncle was a professional musician and one of my earliest musical inspirations. If that wasn't bad enough, she wanted me to play HIS Clarinet in front of HIS combo.

I just couldn't do it. I was completely choked up during the funeral as it was without even thinking about trying to play.

She got another musician who knew him to play it. None of the combo guys playing looked like they were doing that great either. I forget what tunes they played now. Then they played a tape of my uncle singing, 'The Shadow of Your Smile' which he had recorded earlier with the combo. It was hard for me to listen to knowing that he was laying there dead in the coffin. She gave me the clarinet after the funeral and I still play it to this day.

Roger Carlton Shelton...from Poughkeepsie, New York. Primarily a singer...but also a clarinetist...flute player...vibes and drums. He was quite a musician and a great guy.

[jazzbluescat]

I attended a funeral church service for an alto player; where, the combo that he had gigged with for many years played "Satin Doll" for his bon voyage. It was well received, and seemed highly appropriate.

[I've found that if you're called to play a service and are not particularly close to the family, that the funeral director is one source for tunes that the family would like played.]

[Cameron Wigmore]

I played my sax at my best friends funeral. He died of brain cancer. He was 22. I played "Wise One" by john coltrane. Trane wrote that song for Dolphy, and my friend played the bass clarinet. It was quite an experience.

[ted]

Last year I played at a friends funeral at the request of the family at the service, not at the grave site. The service was very emotional with everyone crying at the rememberences. When it was time for me to play , I almost couldn't, but I perservered and wound up making the most meaningful statement without having to try. It was "Body and Soul". In some ways it was a frightening experience. There were hundreds of people listening to every note in a hushed silence. Time, and the music, and the silence, and the grief all froze into one big emotional outburst. I'll never forget it. - Ted

[Gandalfe]

I had started to play sax again after 27 years. I struck up a relationship with a professional player, who always had time for my questions. He died suddenly of cancer. I kinda offered to play Amazing Grace to his wife the day before the funeral and she didn't even pause or blink when she said, "Do it."

There were a lot of my friends and coworkers at the funeral but I had no fear. I played it without accompaniment, straight the first verse and then a' la Mike the second time through. A lot of people commented on the performance and Mike's wife really seemed to appreciate it.

I couldn't believe that this fine saxophonist would part our way without a sax tribute. It just kinda seemed like the right thing to do. A month later a co-worker in a meeting mentioned the performance and say I really was a pro. I wish, but I was glad to be there for my friend Mike.

[WindMusician81]

I have never done a funeral, but every year, I'm asked to play at the Nov 11 service held at the memorial monument in my town. Last year I played Amazing Grace as one of the hymes. Usually if I play it in church I'll push the tempo up a bit, and give it a little vibrato, but for that occasion, I did just like you, and played it straight, at a slower tempo.

I also play The Last Post every year, and am always surprised at how many people come up to me after and comment on how they actually like hearing it on Tenor Sax instead of the usually Trumpet or Flugel Horn.

[tledjazz]

My grandmother has asked me to play "Amazing Grace" at her homegoing (funeral). Hopefully that won't be anytime soon. She's 92, lives alone, drives (well), and volunteers her time as a home aid helping "the old folks". She's amazing.

But I digress. When I'm asked to play "Amazing Grce" they usually want it Gospel style. I like to approach the song like a vocalist. I'll uaually hold out the first "A", play the first verse straight, then add the requisite inflections (rubato, phrase repetition, improvs) on the 2nd and 3rd verses. I just go where the music and the moment lead. I would like to play it in a situation like some of you have described where you just play it "straight".It would be an interesting change and challenge.

[MitchP]

Amazing Grace at my grandmother's funeral also. It was June in Montana a few years ago and I played outside during the ceremony in the cemetary. It was cold but it was spiritual playing for her. I played once through in one key then another time a fourth away (the ending note became the pickup for the new key). I also played at my father's funeral in '97, that was difficult.

[Jazzer]

Wow, what a lot of emotional stories. For better or worse, I have played at several funerals and have played Amazing Grace on 3 different occasions. I approached it from a slightly bluesy perspective mostly because of who I was playing it for and because that is just the way I personally felt it. I have played it for my Grandmother, Brother and Mother. I also played The Shadow of Your Smile with a keyboard player during the service for 2 of them. Amazing Grace was graveside for 2 out of the 3.

I found the only way I could get through it was to put myself somewhere else, otherwise, I could not have done it. They were very hard to do but not near as hard as doing to Eulogy for my Mother's funeral. That was the hardest thing I have ever done. Needless to say, I was glad to be able to play and honor their lives in that way because music was always such a major part of our family, (and still is).

David

[MitchP]

Right on brother. I also gave a eulogy at my fathers funeral. I'm the only musician in my family so playing at a funeral is my way of giving what I have. I played "In a Sentimental Modd" at my father's funeral and it was hard but like you I focused on being somehwere else. The pastor was barely able to go on after I finished, music is mighty powerful stuff.
This is a great topic as I think about my father's birthday this past 727. He would have been 79.

[beth]

i actually just played amazing grace on flute for a funeral on tuesday....
what an experience.....

[saxboy]

I played at my Grandmother's funeral 3 weeks ago; played Amazing Grace and How Great Thou Art. It was the first family passing in many years. I felt it to be an honor and really enjoyed making my .02 cents worth a musical statement.
I have played at many funerals over the years and have found that the emotion of the moment can make a stranger feel like good family. I try to do as many of them as I can and many are free. It feels like an important contribution to make to a family facing a loss and I am glad to be there for them.
The hardest one I did was my other Grandma on my Dads side. It was a lot of years ago, I was pretty young then. My Grandfather had passed away when I was a child but I remembered a song he had written for my grandmother that he loved to play. We went thru everything until I found this song; Thinking Of You. I played it, as well as you can while weeping, unaccompanied at the service. It was really hard.
I can feel with you guys that have lost a close family member and been called on to participate. What a gift we have to share...

SAXBOY

[adrianw]

Wow, this is heavy stuff.
I have stipulated in my will that my remains will be cremated without mourners. The hearse will go in one direction and the mourners in another to the nearest pub. Then my daughter will have to put some money on the bar and anyone who wants to come can celebrate my life not mourn my death. I may even get her to hire a band so that everyone can get drunk and have a good time. Slow music at funerals is just plain morbid.

[1saxman]

A guy from another division at work that I really didn't know asked me to play 'Amazing Grace' at his father's funeral. I hated to do it, but I turned him down. I would only do this for a family member or friend, and nobody has asked. I would do it on soprano, bagpipe-style like Winesax.

[geddi]

I've never played solo at a funeral. I am, however, reminded of an experience I had in high school. My sophmore year a member of our stage band died. We played, as requested by the family, "Wind Beneath My Wings," at the service. It was the first funeral ever attended by several members of the band.

[jazzbluescat]

I went to an alto player's funeral a couple of years ago. The remaining guys in the group he gigged with, plus a few others, played some of his favorite tunes. I thought it was a wonderful gesture.

[mcleanpe]

you guys have my respect and admiration.

[mister.lucky]

Since I have never been to a funeral where a sax has been played at a grave site before, I ask if any of you have had this honor and if so, what did you play and how did you play it :?: Thanks in advance for your responses.

hi to all i've not seen in a couple of years...

my grandfather, who as some of you know (i bragged, occasionally , on the old eesites board) was a jazz sax player from the mid-1930s through the mid-1970s, passed away in december, 2003. i discussed it with my grandmother, my dad, and his siblings, and we decided i would close the graveside ceremony with "amazing grace"; as i was a pallbearer as well, i couldn't play during the moving of the casket from the hearse to the graveside.

i have a zephyr alto, silver, with a very ringing tone. i played it just like you did, winesax, straight ahead and trying as hard as possible to make a pure sound. i did use a bit of vibrato, but tried to use the silence of the graveside and the memories of my grandfather to fill the song, rather than any tricks. i was shaking and crying during the whole thing, even though it took rather less time than the eternity it felt like...

i was honored to play for my grandfather, who taught me many of this life's lessons, and proud to put him to rest with the music that played so much of a role in his life. i also slipped an alto mouthpiece, equipped with reed, into his jacket pocket at the church before the casket was closed, so he's got something to use on the other side...maybe jvw can get it tuned so it'll work for him.

my grandmother, whose memory is failing rather badly these days, still remembers my playing. she wants me to play at her funeral, as well...but, for her, i'll play her favorite song, "fascination".

anyway, seeing your post made me think on it. it's hard, still, to do so, but good.

bill kasper
aka mister.lucky

[Pete]

bill! Long time, no post! How ya been?

[mister.lucky]

hey, pete. been a daddy and a houseowner (landowner, too!), and a couple of big side projects that haven't involved sax for the past couple of years...

playing gramps' funeral was the first time i'd picked up a horn in a year, and it has been lean since then as well. however, i am playing a bit each week now, inspired by a co-worker who's working with a local player learning how to play salsa sax music...

anyway, i'm starting to circulate again, so you might see me pop up occasionally...

how are you? and the child(ren?)? thanks for calling out...

[Pete]

< I RSVP'd in ane e-mail. RSVP if you didn't get it, bill! >

I'm doin' pretty good. Need to go to the chiropractor again, tho :).

Kids are ... interesting. May post more about them, later.

[saxfreak]

This topic has deep meaning for me also, and I've found the posts very interesting and inspiring to read. My experience was playing at the memorial service for my father last June. I'm a woodwind doubler and play more clarinet and flute than sax in this kind of setting. My father was not able to communicate for the last few days of his life, and our family all gathered at home to wait for the inevitable. I played unaccompanied flute solos in the living room, which seemed to have meaning for the family and especially for me. I like to think that my father was listening too. For the memorial service I knew that I wanted to play something, but wasn't sure if I could do it or not - uncharted territory emotionally.
I decided that it would be safest to play the prelude and postlude and not try to risk pulling off playing during the middle of the service. I had a wonderful arrangement of "Be Still My Soul" and another flute solo for the prelude, and "O Rest in the Lord" on clarinet for postlude. I had a rehearsal with the organist, so we were prepared. The service went beautifully. Instead of being out of control emotionally, I was able to feel that this was my chance to honor my father one last time. That put things in perspective and I had a good focus. I think the playing was particularly expressive. People seemed to be moved by the music, particulary because I was playing for my father. It was a very important experience for me.

[msteele]

I have played at three funerals. One 20+ years ago when a musician friend passed. Once for a great aunt and then lately for my grandfather. Two times I played Amazing live, but for my grandfather we recorded it, as I knew I could not make it through the song. The last two times I have played it on my soprano as it has the bag pipe type sound to it. FWIW if you are close to the person, think about pre-recording it and giving an intro from the pastor saying "this is insert playing a favorite song for blank". Not to many dry eyes in the room after that.

[RICHARD GARCIA]

I have played at many funeral services, small group, duet, and solo. Playing solo, acapella is obviously the toughest (no where to run and nowhere to hide). It really makes you reassess your musicianship. The other factor is that I don't do this as a "gig", meaning that everytime I have done this it
has been a personal loss I have experienced. That means having to play at
your very best, while experiencing various degrees of emotional grief, as windplayers we all know how tough that can be. I don't care how many eulogies I hear about how we are here "celebrate" and not "mourn" the deceased's passing it is still difficult.

The first time I played with a group when a fellow member passed, which seemed only natural, but then I was asked to play solo sax. I really agonized
over how to stylistic play Amazing Grace or other hymns. I finally thought
about how Ray Charles sang America the Beautiful etc. and I thought "how
would Dave Sanborn to this". I'm not a Sanborn clone, but I really admire his soulfull aproach. I worried it might be too contemporary for some attendees, but the overall reception has been very accepting. I now receive
many requests to play, unfortunately mostly among musician circles (this makes for an even tougher challenge). The family has usually contacted me and requested that I play because they heard me play at another service, but the toughest was on three occasions I was asked to play by close friends prior to their impending death due to terminal illnesses (and they had specific requests!).
Having attended so many services, I have had the opportunity to observe and compare many services, I feel that it is so much better when friends and family members can share a few informal thoughts and rememberances about the deceased and along with this goes music. If someone loved music so much in life, It should be a part of their farewell. I know that I want someone
to play at my funeral (I do have a wish list of players and tunes... but?).

[newking70]

fwiw, i always been partial to "amazing grace" on the bagpipes, moves me to tears everytime.

[AbrahamFackle]

I don't have any funeral experiance but I do have a funny anecdote regarding "Amazing Grace"... (thought this would help lighten the depressing mood in the thread...)

My sophomore year of high school I had a sax quartet with my buddies. Someone asked my band teacher if the pep band would play at their event (it was some sort of annual meeting for the local law enforcement), and he reccomended us. We were supposed to do "Amazing Grace" and fill time before and after the speakers.

I was young, naive, and unaware of what the tune is associated with, so I went home and whipped up a funky arrangenment a la Bill Chase. The gig rolls around, we do our thing, the speeches start, and then the guy in charge says, "and now we'll have a moment of silence while the Century High Sax Quartet plays 'Amazing Grace'. We exchanged panicked glances as we each realized that our version wouldn't cut it. i thought for a monent then them all to play a low G, starting with a grace note F#, hold for 8 counts and repeat 'til my cue, where we'd go into slow to the arrangement.

It sounded rehearsed enough that we were asked to play next year, where we did the funky version as part of our pre-show set.

[saxobari]

Allo guys,playing at funerals for me is the hardest,and also very strange!
I was asked yesterday by our drummer,his Dad passed away last Thursday,so when he phoned yesterday and asked a huge favor,,I knew that I was going to ask to play at his service!How could I say no,,I have known the man most of my life since also the drummer has been one of my treu friend most of my entire life!This will be my fourth funerals in the last 5 years!Two of those were very close friends,so that is a little harder to do!
What will this make even harder ,my Mom and Dad that are in thre 80 's will be there,so Ill have just to focus and try just to play my music,and forget about everything around me!The tunes,,that will be hard to decide,,probably Ave Verum,or Ave Maria,then maybe Amazing Grace,then I'll have to find some more tunes!Any ideas would be apreciated!This something that I really don't like to do specially when close friends are hurt,or when family is around,
but we have an honnor to do by doing what we can do best,and play one more time music for these people that are gone forever!
All the best,
Saxobari